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Gwyneth Paltrow Is Out

After a fifteen year run of increasingly unpopular movie roles in films not opposite Robert Downey Jr. in an iron battle suit, Gwyneth Paltrow is calling it quits on acting. She's hinted that maybe she'll be working onscreen here and there, but don't get your hopes up, if you hope for really shitty things.

The halt to screen work is a bit misleading as Paltrow is set to share the stage with Jessica Alba and other business geniuses of our time in Apple's reality series, "Planet of the Apps". It's Shark Tank for mobile phone apps with perhaps the world's worst extremely well-funded pun. It doesn't have to be good or make sense. It's going to be slick as fuck and have A-list celebrities being paid millions to try not to look arrogant. Apple has more cash on hand than China. It's about time they spent it grossly.

Paltrow framed her acting retirement as a chance to put more focus into Goop, where she's finding more and more professional passion:

“I had an incredible acting career, but I had this deep passion to produce content and make great products and curate things. It sort of evolved slowly and had a long gestational period and now it’s like, a real business.”

Curation. What's not to love. The sorting of other people's work in a way that makes sense to women with too much money. Will Goop be as incredible as your acting career? Whose to say? Just kidding. You're to say. This was your remarkably honest assessment. 

It's easy to mock Paltrow's Goop while simultaneously thinking about the millions of fidget spinners being sold. That's your internal bias. It's the exact same thing. There's never going to be a Sylvia Plath 2. Let that sink in. 

Photo Credit: Mr. Skin

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