Idol Scraping the Bottom for Judges

With only a few weeks left to go until discovering singers with an exploitable tragic backstory, American Idol is still without a full roster of hackneyed grossly made up talking mannequin judges. read more

Alexa Rae Is a Social Media Influencer, Also, Completely Made Up

In what should come as no surprise to any sentient being, a good number of social media "influencers" are wholly invented fictions. That's not to deny that the Kardashians can move a shit ton of makeup.  read more

Bonnie Tyler Books an Eclipse Gig

There have only ever been two reasons to embark on a cruise ship. Gambling in international waters and endless drink tickets. Three if you happen to love gay sex and dwell in a red state.  read more

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ESPN's Slave Auction Goes Over Well (VIDEO)

Every purely moral crusade must eventually begin consuming its own tale. ESPN is now under fire for a fantasy football player auction skit that too closely resembled a slave auction of the antebellum South. read more

Christina El Moussa Wants Her Money

It's not easy being a divorced bleach blonde 34-year old in Orange County. Not like the ten thousand others of your ilk remarrying business men looking for trophy wives and a blow job on the major holidays and every third Tuesday.  read more

Drink Wine With Jennifer Lawrence and Her Breasts and Save The Nation (VIDEO)

Hollywood celebrities have come to discover large amounts of corruption in national politics, on or about November 9th of last year. Prior to that, Goldman Sachs and Chevron were doing the right thing with their PAC and speech money. Also, Russia had a sweet national... read more

Alabama Also Says DTF Teachers Good to Go With Their Teen Students

An Alabama judge declared it unconstitutional to punish teachers for banging their sixteen and over students since that is the age of majority in the Southern state. read more

Tiger Woods Toxicology Report Is a National Emergency

Toxicology reports were force-released by an ESPN public records request, revealing Woods blood contained zero alcohol. Though a nice cocktail of Vicodin, Dilaudid (Morphine derivative), Xanax, Ambien, and weed. read more

Are Reality Show Attention Whores Worse Than Neo-Nazis?

The classic ethical dilemma where you have to steer the train left and take out disturbing silicone injected social media attention whores or guide the train right and decapitate some JuCo guy named Dylan who loves Hitler t-shirts. The seven-ten split is never an option.... read more

Taylor Swift Sexual Assault Merit Badge

Taylor Swift prevailed in her case against the Denver radio DJ who goosed her ass during a post-show photo op four years ago. The wheels of patriarchal injustice grind slowly.  read more

Bieber Denied By Bigger Whore Theory

Justin Bieber apparently trolls through Instagram looking for hot chicks to compliment publicly and privately DM to see if they're down to fuck. That's supposed to be a damning comment. It might be approximating his first admirable characteristic. read more

The Turning Out of Kaia Gerber

It's a weird thing when your parents size you up as a pubescent teen and tell you it's time to start dressing provocatively if you want to eat. Even weirder when you're filthy rich and that not eating part isn't even close to a legit threat. Your folks simply want to turn... read more