Open Post: How Much Would You Need To Get Paid Off To Be Sexually Assaulted?

Let's assume the person accosting you is pretty gross, like John Goodman or Khloé Kardashian, because you can't really be harassed by an attractive person. That's called a compliment. Ideally, I would have a Gwenyth Paltrow-level of payoff from being victimized -... read more

Free Lobotomies With Gigi Hadid's Hot Party Tips

Well my apologies to Bella Hadid, because while I've been making fun of her for being a botched whore Japanese sex robot, which obviously she is, her sister Gigi Hadid has apparently been providing the most brain dead interviews in the history of the universe, and might... read more

Super Size Me Guy Super Size Fame Ho Rape Confession

Three thousand years ago a guy named Morgan Spurlock released the documentary Super Size Me, in which he ate McDonald's for a month straight and gained weight. Kelly Clarkson does the same thing and she doesn't get notoriety for it, but Spurlock was making a point about... read more

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Gwen Stefani Loves That Blake Shelton Is Deep Fried Oklahoma Trash

It's fun! I love finding the stash of onion rings he keeps in his taint! Nom nom nom. read more

Icky Azalea Frankly Disturbing In New Selfie

Since apparently Bella Hadid's tits were too blasé for you guys yesterday, today we're upping the ante with an Icky Azalea botched Instagram selfie that will make your peen question science, humanity, and Tijuana plastic surgeon ethics, and then seek therapy and head... read more

Blind Item: Director And B-List Wife Holiday Wine Bottle Hurling

Which director chucked a bottle of wine at his B-list wife before she slashed him with the broken glass? Your guess is as good as mine with this blind item. read more

Bella Hadid Robo Boobs In New York City

Beep boop bop boop beep. Japanese sex robot to the stars Bella Hadid let her tits spill out all over Brooklyn yesterday while recharging her batteries on the set of some porn photo shoot. People legitimately seem to care about these pap smear pics from the... read more

Jessica Chastain Told To Pipe Down By A-list Actor

Oh no he didn't. An unnamed A-list actor who seems to have a good head on his shoulders told Jessica Chastain to STFU after she discovered that Twitter is the perfect medium to open a heartfelt socio-political discourse. And of course to post that meme of Michael Jordan... read more

Yes, We See Your Armpit Hair Gigi Hadid (VIDEO)

Lesser of two evils Gigi Hadid landed a video for the LOVE Advent Calendar, and is making herself stand out from the hordes of other powerful women with important things to say by flashing her armpit hair during a sweaty, empowering, and important workout. She's strong... read more

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Taylor Swift Wrote A Vogue Poem

Let go of the ones who hurt youLet go of the ones you outgrowLet go of the words they hurl your wayas you’re walking out the doorThe only thing cut and dryIn this hedge-maze lifeIs the fact that their words will cutbut your tears will dry read more

Open Post: August Ames Dead Pornstar Homophobe Or Dead Pornstar Feminist?

August Ames is a pornstar who was alive up until yesterday - when she reportedly hung herself after getting into a Twitter brawl over her comments construed as either homophobic or #MeToo-worthy empowering depending on which side you dress on. The impetus for... read more

Lena Dunham: And I Helped!

Lena Dunham is the equivalent of that little attention whore in the Shake 'n Bake commercial swooping in at the last minute to take credit for something gross in the new piece from the New York Times. The spokesperson for straight women, straight men, gay women, gay men,... read more