Jessica Simpson Honey Boo Boo Chic

After seeing what I can only define as problem areas, I assumed that these images would be accompanied by the words "brave," "body positive," "slam," and "h8ers," but apparently we're not doing that with Jessica Simpson. read more

Dukes of Debauchery Arrested

Cocaine possession without a complementing indecent assault charge is the equivalent of leaving your pants at home. All you wanted to do was party in the first place. read more

Spice Up Your Sex Life and Shit Around the Web

  Jessica Simpson's ass, Isabeli Fontana's nipples, and more! read more

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Jessica Simpson Topless Birthday Ass Kissing

Birthday girl Jessica Simpson appears as an interchangeable Real Housewife in a new topless Instagram post with the caption "Kiss My Butt 36." Kiss it? I'll devour it. Kidding. Simpson's body is back on track after years of Mariah Carey-worthy smoke and mirrors in... read more

Jessica Simpson Guns Blazing

Jessica Simpson is plotting her return to reality television. It was her Newlyweds MTV show with then husband Nick Lachey that turned her from junior pop star into an A-list celebrity. People love a dumb blond with big tits. It's the white whale for feminists. read more

Jessica Simpson in A Bikini

Jessica Simpson only seems dumb. Those giant tits in that bikini that doesn't come close to fitting just sold her twenty million in signature bangle earrings. She wore the cutoff jeans so media outlets around the world wouldn't even have to fumble for the Daisy Duke... read more

Jessica Simpson Pimping Daughter

There's nothing but the headline 'adorable' on major media outlets regarding Jessica Simpson posting her pre-K daughter with seductive prose. It's always adorable when mothers sexualize their children. Oh, old man, no? Depending on which music historian or urban... read more

Jessica Simpson in A Bikini

Jessica Simpson caravanned her entire freeloading family down to that resort in Cabo that puts up celebrities for free provided they pay no attention to the teeny tiny Mexican photographers lining the palm trees. Somebody's got to sell crappy shmata at Walmart to pay for... read more

Jessica Simpson Is Fashion Signature

Jessica Simpson launched yet another apparel line because stay at home dads and high end vodka don't pay for themselves. She studied with the physiologists in Tibet to perfect a way to contort her legs so her legs looks less thick. It was time. The line is described as... read more

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Jessica Simpson See Through

Jessica Simpson is married, she's not dead. Also, buzzed not drunk. And puffy not heavy. She's still got those magnificent tits that along with her ability to lip-synch and be from Texas made her famous fifteen years ago. Origin stories of most billionaires go deeper... read more

Jessica Simpson One Regret

Jessica Simpson's one regret isn't her gay pastor dad in black leather pants or having to lug her sister into an undeserved singing career or even the fact that consuming a single Cheetoh causes her expand to 10x girth. It's her first husband Nick Lachey, who she quickly... read more

Jessica Simpson Still Alive

Jessica Simpson is only 35 years old despite having recorded that one song she's known for which you can't think of during the formative years of the disco era. Simpson recently lost seventy pounds dropping her weight classification down to Clydesdale. She also had her... read more