Backlash As Build-A-Bear Shuts Down Promotional “Pay Your Age Day” Disaster

July 13, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

But Build-A-Bear turned into Build-A-Brawl when hordes of people descended on Build-A-Bear Workshops around the globe to take advantage of the sale. Lines were up to eight hours long, with some people waiting with little children in hot parking... READ MORE

Stormy Daniels No Longer In Trouble For Sexual Acts At Ohio Strip Club

July 12, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

"Ms. Clifford (Daniels' real last name) leaned over, grabbed Det. Keckley's head and began smacking her face with her bare breasts and holding her face between her breasts against her chest. Ms. Clifford then moved down the stage where... READ MORE

Miss America Pageant Apologizes For Insensitive Me Too Joke

July 12, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Women’s bodies aren’t built how they used to be, so instead of encouraging dieting it’s easier to do away with an entire swimsuit competition. Wouldn’t want to offend anyone. Which is damn near impossible these days. Unsurprisingly, a joke... READ MORE

Florida Homeless Man With No Arms Stabs Chicago Tourist

July 12, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

I didn't see The Florida Project, but I'm assuming this headline is the plot. A supposedly beloved South Beach homeless man with no arms named Jonathan Crenshaw has been charged with aggravated battery for stabbing Chicago tourist Cesar Coronado. Welcome... READ MORE

Walgreens Stock Downgraded To “Majorly F-ed”

July 11, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  A guy whose only job is to advise investors on how to spend their money has apologized for previously suggesting that people invest in Walgreens stock. Walgreens is the store that has the interesting concept of selling a... READ MORE

White Woman’s Dreadlocks Save Her From Axe Attack At Gas Station

July 11, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  The real hot scoop today is that this story miraculously, inexplicably, almost disconcertingly did not take place in Florida. It would be nice to know that these types of things are all relegated to one dick peninsula. There’s... READ MORE

All Thai Boys Rescued From Cave

July 10, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  The saga that captured the hearts of people across the world and inspired countless fan fiction journal entries from Kevin Spacey has come to a close as twelve boys and their soccer coach have been rescued from the depths... READ MORE

Two Unconscious Women Dumped Outside Bar After Doing 16 Shots

July 9, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  In the infamous words of singer-songwriting duo LMFAO: “Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots.” Shots, indeed. Two women were dumped unconscious outside of a Korean bar in Australia... READ MORE

Now You: What’s The Best TV Show In History?

July 6, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  First off, to those of you comparing WWTDD to Cosmo – thank you. I’d ask you to fill out a sex survey if I thought you’d had any. What television series a person watches can say a lot about... READ MORE

Rescuer Dies While Helping Save Trapped Thai Soccer Team

July 6, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

  Well shit. My deep understanding of Thai cave rescue missions failed me when I last covered the 2018 off-brand Chilean milers situation currently happening in Thailand. A soccer team consisting of twelve boys and their coach are currently perched... READ MORE